You guys, I’m not the thinnest I’ve ever been in my life. I am not the thinnest I’ve ever been in my life. But goodness, I am, without a doubt, the HAPPIEST I’ve ever been in my life. A little over three months ago, I made a decision, I came to a realization, and it truly has changed my life! I tried to post all about it, but it was WAY WAY WAY too long for Instagram, so I had to copy and paste it into my blog – feel free to go read it (link in my profile) – or just read this part: Maybe this is too much for social media, but if I can be a beacon of honesty, a force of positivity, a little nudge, to even one person, just to embrace the YOU that you are – today… Man, it is SO worth putting my pride aside and being stupid honest! It is not easy to let go. To stop obsessing and start loving. It’s not easy work because it is SO SCARY to let go of the things we have learned to lean on for confidence and sense of self. But I will tell you today, right now looking at this picture of me BEAMING with bliss. That it is possible. You are worth it, just for EXISTING here in this world, you are worth it. You are lovely and important and beautiful and a vessel for love too. I believe in you because I believe in ME. Find out who you are, don’t be afraid, you will not for a second regret giving yourself the permission to stop trying and start BEING YOU. #embrace bliss #lovewarrior #embrace2017 #iamme #moreonmyblog

A post shared by Shawna Clingerman (@shawnaclingerman) on

I SUPER tried to post this on Instagram, but it simply would not fit – so if you are here from social media – here is the extended version:

I’m not the thinnest I’ve ever been in my life. 100% I’m not. I’m not the most fit (although I do walk and run sometimes I couldn’t tell you how far – or how often!) I also couldn’t tell you how much more or less thin I am than the heaviest or the thinnest version or Shawna. I haven’t counted a mile or weighed a pound or tracked a calorie in over 3 months… that is a quarter of a year folks, the absolute longest I’ve gone in my whole adult life without looking at a scale or somehow tracking/limiting/obsessing over food in one way or another.. and that’s not the only thing I’m not tracking… Honestly, although I’m doing lovely things all the time, I can’t run you through a brilliant list of all of my accomplishments, all the ways I’ve proven my worth… there is no way for me to define or quantify for you what version of myself I am right now… I’ve got nothing you can score one, nothing I can score myself on…

A little over three months ago, I made a call, I decided something that might seem simple to you but never has been for me… It happened when I found a photo from on facebook from several years back of myself and started to do that thing – immediately I was counting and qualifying and quantifying – comparing and wondering and questioning: that me versus this me how do I measure up, am I as good, am I better… am I worse, am I fatter (god forbid!!!)????… but when I looked: from that photo to a mirror and back again… I suddenly saw this: there is no version of myself but ME.

You guys, my eyes were opened my world was rocked… I decided right then I was SO done. More than done. DONE trying SO SO HARD, DONE constantly telling myself that I’m not good enough. SO DONE trying to be something better than me, and all the while forgetting WHO I AM right now – what I am doing every moment that I walk this earth. I wrote out these words then “My body is a VESSEL. For happiness, and adventure, for LOVE. It is not a trap. NO MORE.” And then day by day by day, I’ve been trying to remember, trying to drive it home in mindset in behavior, in the language I use with myself, in the way I talk to myself in the mirror… and in exchange, day by day by day I’ve been learning exactly what I was forgetting. WHO I AM.

You see, it’s not just that I am a daughter of someone or a mother of someone or a lovely person for other people to enjoy (small enough, nice enough, smart enough, talented enough, not too much trouble). No. I am ME. I AM ME. I can probably just say that again and again and never stop learning from it. I. AM. ME. This life, this body this universe that I walk around in, it is my own (does that sound too entitled, I hope not! I am only hoping to say, that I create my own life, I live my own life, friends, we all do.)

I am not the thinnest I’ve ever been in my life (I would venture to guess, but who knows LOL – pretty sure I’m not!) But goodness, I am, without a doubt, the HAPPIEST I’ve ever been in my life. I am the most healthy in soul and spirit I’ve ever been. I feel stronger, and whole-er (wholer is totally a word now). I am LIVING in a way that feels like my own. I belong to me. I trust me. Dare I confess it to the world, I LOVE ME. Just right in this moment, as I am. That is winning, in a way I never before could do. Without a number or a grade or a list, I have found success. For that I’m proud and content and inspired and happy and, well, I’m ready. To just keep being ME.

Maybe this is too much for public posting, but if I can be a beacon of honesty, a force of positivity, a little nudge, to even one person, just to embrace the YOU that you are – today… Man, it is SO worth putting my pride aside and being stupid honest! It is not easy to let go. To stop obsessing and start loving. It’s not easy work because it is SO SCARY to let go of the things we have learned to lean on for confidence and sense of self. But I will tell you today, right now looking at this picture of me BEAMING with bliss. That it is possible. You are worth it, just for EXISTING here in this world, you are worth it. You are lovely and important and beautiful and a vessel for love too. I believe in you because I believe in ME. Find out who you are, don’t be afraid, you will not for a second regret giving yourself the permission to stop trying and start BEING YOU.

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